Wenona Gardner – White Turtle Rainbow

Camp NaNoWriMo is coming in July. I want to write my memoir Mohican Forever! I don’t know if it is a good title. I want to talk about how being Mohican is important to me, but I am afraid to talk about my brokenness. My pain and memories come out in pieces. It is hard to describe a mental breakdown. It is hard to describe hospitalizations. I feel depressed telling my story. I don’t know how to make my story funny like Jenny Lawson.
During the Writer’s Retreat at Shake Rag Alley in Mineral Point, Wisconsin in the fiction workshop I came up with the story of Braxis the Starperson (alien) come to earth to meet and teach the Lakota Indians during Sundance. Braxis has come to teach the Lakota. Camp NaNoWriMo is supposed to be fun. My memoir so far has been depressing. I was thinking of doing Narrative Timeline from Julia Cameron’s Vein of Gold. I can write it up during my remaining time in Mineral Point before I move to Milwaukee June 24th. I have a laptop I should use it.
I want to schedule an Artist’s Date this week maybe Friday. Go get a burger. Check out the galleries. I feel like I haven’t done much since I have been here. It is hard to be a vlogger when you don’t have a life. My life is empty and lack structure. I don’t know how to create structure in my life. I have time. I want to be creative.

Walker Square Park

I am writing a book for my sister Sassafrass Winter Solstice. A Bloggess Pal suggested I write and post parts of the book here. So here is a poem.
Walker Square Park

By Buffy
It was a sunny day

at Walker Square Park

In Milwaukee, Wisconsin. 

Gamma took Sassafrass and I

there many times.

Gamna got us my favorite

Mexican Watermelon popsicles

with the seeds in them. 

Sassafrass and I were

playing in the sand.

I loved to tease my little sister, but

today she wasn’t having that.

Before I knew it Sassafrass

threw a handful of sand in my mouth.

I could taste all the crunchy granuals and

it was all over my Watermelon popsicle.

Guess next time I will be more careful

what I say around her.

I am writing a book for my sister Sassafrass Winter Solstice. A Bloggess Pal suggested I write and post parts of the book here. So this is the opening letter.

Dear Sassafrass,

I am writing this book to thank you for rescuing me from Omaha, NE from a failed relationship by bringing back home to Wisconsin. For allowing me to save my money and providing delicious meals. Thank you for the Ancestry DNA that proves we are really sisters. I am entirely in your debt. There isn’t anything I can do enough to pay you back for your love and generosity. So, I am writing this book for you as a Christmas gift to thank you for your kind and loving spirit.

Love Always,
Buffy
Wenona Lee Gardner

My Introduction

*****Trigger warning abuse****
Hello. I just joined today because my sister recommended Bloggess. I have Bipolar Disorder and PTSD. I was first hospitalized when I was 16 after my father sexually assaulted me and then I was sexually assaulted in the foster home I was placed in by a 26 year old foster brother. Then when I was 23 my boyfriend cheated on me while I thought I was pregnant and he got the girl pregnant at the same time. He then physically assualted me and I miscarried. That’s when I had my first breakdown. I was told by the doctor I had seen too much trauma. Since then I have hospitalized 20 times. 
I hate having a mental illness. My mother has a mental illness and so does my grandmother. I grew up seeing mental illness through them before I was diagnosed. All three of us have been disabled because of our mental illness. I was heartbroken when my mother told me I wasted my time getting my bachelor’s degree from college because I am disabled.  
I am writing my memoir and it sucks that the majority of my life has been about mental illness. There is no way I can tell my story without it. For awhile I tried working on a crisis line but the calls triggered me so I had to stop working. 
I dream of being a writer like Julia Cameron. She has a mental illness to but somehow she managed to write 44 books. I wish I knew how to become a successful writer.
Thanks for listening to me.

Wenona

Well after much soul searching I decided to embrace and participate in Camp NaNoWriMo this April 2017. Lately, I have been feeling tied up, but today I finally started writing in my Morning Pages and I cried. It felt good to express myself. 

Despite experiencing nightmares, I have decided to write my memoir titled Mohican Forever! At age 23, my Mohican father told me I wasn’t his daughter. At the same time, my ex said to me I also wasn’t my father’s daughter that I was kidnapped and he showed me a picture of my “real parents.” So I spent 20 years questioning my identity as a Mohican woman. Miraciously, my sister Sassafrass bought me Ancestry DNA that proved that both men were wrong! The Ancestry DNA test proved thst I am Mohican, that I am my father’s daughter, and Sassafrass and I are indeed full blooded sisters! Since I finally had proof of my Mohican blood I want to honor that heritage and write my memoir Mohican Forever!

So I am in a friend’s cabin. Plus my sister Sassafrass who I live with agreed to be my live in writing buddy!! I am going to buy Sassafrass a Camp NaNoWriMo t-shirt for her birthday. I am going to also buy myself a Camp NaNoWriMo t-shirt.

So are you doing Camp NaNoWriMo?  If you are what are you writing? Are you in a cabin? What is your Camp NaNoWriMo username? My Camp NaNoWriMo name is azurebreeze

Last Day of NaNoWriMo

Well it is November 30 and it is the last day of NaNoWriMo. Between the election and me moving to Mineral Point, Wisconsin I have haven’t been able to finish my memoir. I was going to try to spend the last three days pumping out words on my new Notebook computer, but I got off the train sick. So I have been sleeping the last few days. I want to publish my book if I just can write it. I pulled an oracle card today and it said to start something new. I don’t know if it means to abandon my book or what.

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