*****Trigger warning abuse****
Hello. I just joined today because my sister recommended Bloggess. I have Bipolar Disorder and PTSD. I was first hospitalized when I was 16 after my father sexually assaulted me and then I was sexually assaulted in the foster home I was placed in by a 26 year old foster brother. Then when I was 23 my boyfriend cheated on me while I thought I was pregnant and he got the girl pregnant at the same time. He then physically assualted me and I miscarried. That’s when I had my first breakdown. I was told by the doctor I had seen too much trauma. Since then I have hospitalized 20 times.
I hate having a mental illness. My mother has a mental illness and so does my grandmother. I grew up seeing mental illness through them before I was diagnosed. All three of us have been disabled because of our mental illness. I was heartbroken when my mother told me I wasted my time getting my bachelor’s degree from college because I am disabled.
I am writing my memoir and it sucks that the majority of my life has been about mental illness. There is no way I can tell my story without it. For awhile I tried working on a crisis line but the calls triggered me so I had to stop working.
I dream of being a writer like Julia Cameron. She has a mental illness to but somehow she managed to write 44 books. I wish I knew how to become a successful writer.
Thanks for listening to me.
Well after much soul searching I decided to embrace and participate in Camp NaNoWriMo this April 2017. Lately, I have been feeling tied up, but today I finally started writing in my Morning Pages and I cried. It felt good to express myself.
Despite experiencing nightmares, I have decided to write my memoir titled Mohican Forever! At age 23, my Mohican father told me I wasn’t his daughter. At the same time, my ex said to me I also wasn’t my father’s daughter that I was kidnapped and he showed me a picture of my “real parents.” So I spent 20 years questioning my identity as a Mohican woman. Miraciously, my sister Sassafrass bought me Ancestry DNA that proved that both men were wrong! The Ancestry DNA test proved thst I am Mohican, that I am my father’s daughter, and Sassafrass and I are indeed full blooded sisters! Since I finally had proof of my Mohican blood I want to honor that heritage and write my memoir Mohican Forever!
So I am in a friend’s cabin. Plus my sister Sassafrass who I live with agreed to be my live in writing buddy!! I am going to buy Sassafrass a Camp NaNoWriMo t-shirt for her birthday. I am going to also buy myself a Camp NaNoWriMo t-shirt.
So are you doing Camp NaNoWriMo? If you are what are you writing? Are you in a cabin? What is your Camp NaNoWriMo username? My Camp NaNoWriMo name is azurebreeze
Well it is November 30 and it is the last day of NaNoWriMo. Between the election and me moving to Mineral Point, Wisconsin I have haven’t been able to finish my memoir. I was going to try to spend the last three days pumping out words on my new Notebook computer, but I got off the train sick. So I have been sleeping the last few days. I want to publish my book if I just can write it. I pulled an oracle card today and it said to start something new. I don’t know if it means to abandon my book or what.
As a kid, I would go up north to the Stockbridge-Munsee band of Mohican reservation in Shawano, Wisconsin and visit my Mohican Grandmother Gardner. My younger sister Sassafras and I would sit in the backseat of our white station wagon as we rode for four hours to Grandma’s house from Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Our Pow Wow is traditionally in August. The picture shows my cousin Marie dressed in her regalia. While there I was five years old when I received a beautiful turquoise and rainbow beaded bracelet from my Grandmother Gardner. I immediately put it on and wonder of she made it since she does beadwork and had been teaching me to do beadwork on the loom. I remember it was a sunny warm day and running in the forest chasing my cousins. Suddenly, I looked down and noticed that my bracelet was missing. I didn’t have it for even one day. I felt like I lost a precious heirloom. Now when I go to Pow Wows I always look at other bracelets looking for bracelets that look like mine. I never have found my bracelet again it was original.
I agree with you Wil Wheaton. I started November writing my memoir “Mohican Forever! as part of the NaNoWriMo challenge to write 50,000 words in November. I started out strong with 10,000 words but then I hit a massive writer’s block when the election came on Nov 8. I was so upset they announced Trump President Elect though he lost the popular vote to Hillary. I stopped writing my memoir. I was flooded with shock and rage as I laid in bed thinking this was a bad dream. Then I read on social media all the people who were just upset as I was. I have never seen such an enormous cloud of despair that befall the country as I was.
I am Native American and I support the water protectors at Standing Rock. Last night hundreds of water protectors were injured when they had water cannons spraying the water protectors in 25 degree weather. This travesty is happening while Obama is President, I cringe to think what is going to happen if Trump is sworn in to Presidency. Trump doesn’t believe in climate change and is going to favor the oil companies. Obama said he was going to wait to see how things play out, and last night’s tragedy is what happened.
Trump has been battling Native American tribes because of his casinos. Trump refuses to honor tribal sovereignty when he says Native Americans “don’t look Indian.” Each tribe determines tribal membership not based on Trump’s physical judgements. I fear what a Trump Presidency will do for Tribal Sovereignty and how that will affect Native Americans. Obama was given an Indian name by the Crow tribe. I so far have not heard any Indian tribes bless Trump with an Indian name. I fear what will happen to the status of Native American tribes and treaties under a Trump Presidency.
I am concerned about women’s rights as Rose McGowan says Trump has waged war against women and I agree with her. I have Mexican siblings and I fear what will happen to them during a Trump presidency. I have a lesbian sister who is married to a wonderful woman and I don’t want anyone to threaten her or her marriage. I am going home to Wisconsin for Thanksgiving and I am afraid to travel with all the increased hate crimes happening. I am experiencing Apocalyptic nightmares since the election.
I am hoping for a miracle come December 19 with the Electoral College vote. Maryland said as a state their electoral college is voting for Hillary because she won the popular vote. Other states can do this too. Hillary is the most qualified candidate for Presidency.
The National Novel Writing Month is soon upon us this November. I have actually dreamed of writing a novel with index cards with chapters numbered out. I can’t decide whether to write fiction or memoir. In years past I wrote fiction romance stories about romantic love I knew nothing about. I rationalized that if I wrote about romantic love I could manifest it in my life. Instead I have broken abusive codependent relationships that triggered my mental breakdowns. I attempted in 2003 to write my memoir but it came out in a series of poetry. If I could be anything I am a writer. I am mad at myself for not keeping a promise to myself to buy a computer with my first paycheck. I let my coworker talk me out of getting the computer because she said it wasn’t important, but it was important to me. So I have my cellphone and notebooks to work with. I can always use the library to write my words on the library computer. I think when it comes to a draft I prefer to hand write my story and then when it comes to editing to retype. So this October I am planning my writing for November. Anybody out there writing in NaNoWriMo 2016?
I am overjoyed that I won Camp NaNoWriMo this year! I have had an amazing time writing and making friends. My challenge though is keeping in contact with those new friends that I met during camp. It seems that during the Camp everything is so exciting, but once Camp is over campers part and go their separate ways.