Wenona Gardner – White Turtle Rainbow

Posts tagged ‘love’

My Love Book: ♥ My birthday gift to myself ♥

My Love Book

Sun July 11th or as I would like to say Lucky 7-11 is my birthday. It’s also the new moon and a solar eclipse on that very same day.  One spiritual mother told me that I needed to focus  on love on my birthday to set my intentions. Another said to sit with what brings you joy on the inside, and express this joy in your outer world.. sharing it with others.

My birthday wish is to celebrate love for the entire month of July. Everywhere I go people are wishing me Happy Valentine’s month or ♥Happy Love Month ♥ I wanted something I could engage people with cause I value relationships. So I decided to play DJ Buffy and I began  requesting song requests from people.  I would try to go out and find a video of their song and I would write a dedication to them. I love the interaction that I have been receiving from people as I contemplate and explore love in all of it’s beautiful dimensions.  Self love, romantic love, true love, love of the Creator, etc.

I am a part of a sacred circle of women. In this source of  women’s spirituality I find the security that I have always craved. Within this sacred space I find the acceptance I have always yearned for.  The divine feminine is honored and cherished. The energy that is at the heart of this special circle is most profound,  radiates, and surrounds all those that are there.  I had this desire for women’s spirituality for the longest time. I was on a quest to find where my female spirit could heal and play. I searched various places  within my community where I would feel welcomed as a woman. I talked to random women on the street, on the bus, or anywhere I would encounter them.  I sought out spiritual centers and churches seeking for the right group of women to immerse myself in. A place where my creativity could flourish. A place where I could laugh. Where I could pray. Where my spirit could dance.  After tonight, I think I found confirmation that I found that place… my Moon Circle.

Tonight, I explored my creative side by creating an artbook titled “My Love Book” during the Moon Circle tonight. When I received my name Wabun anung which means Morning Star in a native naming ceremony at 17 years old I instantly envisioned that my path was love. The gifts of life, hope, and light are all given in the act of love as part of the glory of the dawn. My essence is love…my path is to love.  I need to claim my birthright. And being part of this awesome connection with the female heart I am encouraged to focus on that power within me of love and around me.

So, I chose to center my focus on my book with love. This is the first time I ever created a multimedia book. I loved the choices of printed, glitter, marbled, and colored paper. There were a ton of stamps to choose from. Magazines to explore for images. A bowl full of vintage pictures.  Lots of various kinds of ribbons. My inner child jumped for joy. I love having the opportunity of creating. I played with my book as I assembled the images that I wanted to put together. It was absolutely exhilarating having that time to explore with other women.

The following are pages from”My Love Book.” Enjoy.

There is only one happiness in life to love and be loved.

True Love: The trinity between Creator, myself, and the man Creator has picked for me as my true love partner. ♥ July 8, 2010. No. 526715.

Love, Buffy

Each night the moon kisses secretly the lover who counts the stars. ~ Rumi

Happiness is only possible with true love.

Let your teacher be love itself.

Love,

Buffy

Artist Date: Painting!

Greetings fellow travelers,

Today’s Artist’s Date is Day 20 and I decided to paint. I am very happy to play with glitter and experiment. I kept seeing the image of a sunrise in my mind. I wanted to try to recreate the image I saw in my mind, but then I decided to add glitter. And I am pretty heavy handed with the glitter.  lol I have glitter in all sorts of rainbow colors and I had a fun time playing with color combinations.

It took me awhile to unblock so I could paint. I became blocked when I had to leave art college after an artist I loved took his life. It reminds me of the tragedy of Van Gogh. I basically stopped painting, but this time it’s coming back to me. I put on a DVD of the movie musical Mama Mia to help keep me in a good mood and it worked. The Mama Mia DVD also came with a bonus DVD of my favorite movie Xanadu. I have been in musical heaven for the last couple of days. Great sound track on both of them and I was singing along as I painted. It felt good that painting felt good for a change. I could paint for the sake of painting. I never know what to do with my paintings though I tend to give them away. On my walk past the golf course today I ran into a local art friend who told me he is planning to open an art gallery downtown and he invited me to show my paintings there. I felt very happy about that. Just when I began to paint an opportunity to show my work was brought to my attention. What a beautiful synchronicity.

This is an image of a woman that bubbled up while painting. She has purple eyes and green & blue hair. I often when I painted would paint women’s faces with strange patterns, colors, or images.  Some say they’re my self portrait of my otherworldly self. I don’t know I just enjoy creating them. One time when I was in a foster home I would decorate a painting of a woman with bubbles surrounding her hair. I like to play around with the images and there are alot of great things to explore in the world. I was unbelievably happy to be painting again. I covered a piece of paper with paint with a preliminary painting then I reproduced it on 8×11 canvases.

Love,

Buffy

Raw Fun Big

Greetings fellow travelers,

Today’s suggestion for the day’s Artist’s Date from the Artist’s Date Book was to get new sheets which I set on a journey to find. I walked to a local gas station for hot dogs with ketchup and relish, an orange, and diet Mountain Dew. After, I had lunch I went to the park to pass time til the bus arrived. I looked at the playground and I saw this sign that could spell letters. Most of it was already spelled out and I spelled out raw on the top. So, I decided to make the theme for the day as “Raw Fun Big.” That sounds exciting.

I arrived at Walmart ready to shop for my sheets and get a few items and get out of there, but then I started looking over the whole store for film opportunities. Everywhere I went I was taking film clips. I was very excited about looking at everything for interesting shots to film. I found these deep purple  250 thread count sheets from Better Homes and Gardens.  Finally, as my cart kept getting fuller and fuller I spent a lot of money, but I got alot of needed items and I was happy with that. I struggled carrying 5 bags home on two buses. And I accidentally cut my finger while hauling my goodies home. I had a couple of my newly bought Cherry Pop Tarts when I got home.

When I got home I pulled out my Native American flute and began to record playing the Native American flute after Sonicsuns told me that I should post more videos of me playing the Native American flute.  Sure why not? I will take the suggestion. I mean I have been looking for new suggestions for videos to do. It’s quite fun trying to find interesting and new ways to merge my Native American flute songs with new images. I thought why not merge them with the Walmart footage?

Love,

Buffy

Artist’s Date: Listening to K-Love

Greetings fellow travelers,

Today, I enjoyed the day of indulging in listening to my favorite radio station Positive and Encouraging K- Love as my Artist’s Date which is spending quality time with myself.  What better way to enjoy myself than to take in the richness of the K-Love radio station.  I spent the  day with K-Love on for almost the entire day.  What a great way to spend my vacation day. I found myself really relaxing and I really enjoyed the feeling I have by listening to K-Love.  Serene. Calm. Rejuvenated. Restored. Loved.

I remember the first time I listened to K Love back in June 2009. I just lost my fiance and I was heartbroken because I lost the dream of marriage and children. I was now alone. I was scared about my future and somehow listening to K-Love calmed and soothed my fears. I listened to K-Love all day and all through the night constantly. I couldn’t get enough of it. K-Love was my life preserver which I clung to for dear life.

It was during this time that I discovered my all time favorite song “By Your Side” by Tenth Avenue North. I had suffered throughout my life of feelings of being unloved. In my darkest  moment, I even wrote a poem about how I felt titled “Unlovable.”  When “By Your Side” came on the radio I felt that it was God’s answer to my poem “Unlovable.” The lyric “Why are you searching for love” really resonated with me. I had grow up with various types of abuse and was in foster homes where I was abused even further. I was desperately seeking for someone to love me in my life. K-Love shared with me through the songs on the radio especially “By Your Side” that I don’t need to search for love anymore, that God loves me just as I am.

K-Love also offers a Prayer Request and Encouraging Word of the Day. I have used the Prayer Request online and on the phone several times when I was really struggling and having a very hard time in my life. I cherish having this extra support in my life. There are several times I had questions for God or was going through very difficult times and I was able to find the answers in the Encouraging Word of the Day.

I encourage you to give K-Love a try. Even if you can’t find a local station in your area you can listen to K-Love online. I pray that you are blessed on your journey.

Love,

Buffy

Bubbles!!!

Queen Buffy and her Bubble Wand

My Artist Date was to have a picnic in my private park. I had Mc Donald’s Chicken sandwiches and Shamrock Shake. I was surprised to discover they now come with a cherry. I sat in the sun next to the daffodils and listened to the birds sing. I stared into the wildness of the trees. I then pulled out my camera and took some still pictures and I started to film a video titled “Bubbles.” I have this 80 oz of fruit scented Bubbles and a cool bubble wand. I filmed myself blowing the bubbles until I got light headed. Then I came home and I found a virtual keyboard and recorded myself playing the virtual pan pipes. It was cool they had other sounds to play with too like steel drums. One friend saw my video and asked  if my new name now is Bubbles?  I like that actually because lately people have been describing  me as bubbly. Bubbly Buffy. lol

Super Miracle Bubbles 80 oz of FUN!

Come to the River of Life

Alright today’s Artist’s Date was to walk into a church I never have been into before. Kinda like church shopping. This church kept coming to me in my dreams and I wanted to investigate to see if it had what I was seeking. What is strange about this church is that it doesn’t have a sign so I had no idea what the name of this church was.  In I stepped in and I noticed immediately alot of handouts on some on a spiritual retreat to find your purpose which I collected and was very interested in. Then I saw things for a women’s meetup which I am also very interested in because I am actively seeking women’s spirituality. I didn’t know anybody there, but I liked the banners that were inside the church and I found  them very eye catching especially the one with the banner above.

The words spoken by the Pastor was intriguing me as he spoke about the arc of the covenant and he talked about getting past the veil and being in the presence of God. So much with what he was saying resonated with me and I strongly felt that I needed to be there. During the music I felt answers to my prayers coming to me and I felt God’s presence so strong around me and in me…I cried so hard during the service. I had never experienced such an intense feeling of God’s presence around me before. I had been quietly asking myself am I to stay or leave this place. I felt all of a sudden I needed to be there. There was something there for me.  I didn’t know what that would be. But so many synchronicities kept coming to me and happening. I felt my soul break open and out poured grief and suffering.  I kept hearing Creator say to me you don’t have to carry this burden alone anymore, give it to me give it all to me. All the pain. All the tears. Everything. I saw in my mind’s eye letting the grief of the recent events that had transpire being passed over.  I felt so connected it was unbelievable. I thought by leaving my former church I was going to wander lost and not know where to go and then all of a sudden in this church in a short amount of time I felt like I was in the right place at the right time.

After I watch some baptisms I remembered my baptism with cedar and water that my Native American  foster mother placed over me saying that Jesus would always be with me when I was 16 years old.  I was about to leave this new church when this woman walked past me and I absolutely had to introduce myself to her. I am so glad I did. I hit it off with her instantly and I was feeling such a deep powerful connection. She just opened up to me and revealed some very intimate and  intense things about herself to me, things that I desperately needed to her. And I found I might be able to help her too. Love those win win situations. I asked her to lunch and she agreed and she took me to a Mexican restaurant. We shared our passion for Mexican food and the Spanish language, she told me she loved to do artwork and wanted to do artwork with me.  She said she loved to paint with watercolors in tubes. We had absolutely so much in common, it was if we were always friends.  I had enchiladas and Jarritos Limon soda which she is already reminding me that I need to watch my sugar cause I am diabetic.  She decided to pay for my meal. I was truly grateful. Than I asked where else would she like to go?  I suggested how about a park? She said sure but she wanted to go back to her home briefly.

Enchiladas and Limon Jarritos

I got to see her home. I noticed she loved pink and purple just like I do.  I shared how as  a little girl I loved pink and as I got older I added purple. It was so much fun to share the same favorite colors. She has this most beautiful painting of the ocean by her father painted on her wall with a purple frame.  I noticed these beautiful pink and purple beaded ornaments she had hand made and she said she could share with me how she made it. I also got to meet one of her cats Gideon. I love the story she told me about how her cat appeared at her home from the street and it went away and she said to herself that if she was meant to keep him that he would come back.  And came back he did. She even showed me the scripture about Gideon in the Bible and it was very interesting story. I gained a lot of insight from it when I read it and how it applied to my own life.

We ended up getting back in the car and we went to a local park that had by the Fox river.  I had only been to this park once before and when I had I just broken up with my fiance in June 2009. I had praying to Creator about letting my ex  go and I said a special prayer for a special man and I told the Creator the truth of my heart, but I asked the Creator what Creator’s will was on the situation. Then I have come full circle and I was back at this same place about a  year later. And I have insight of where I am heading and what I am supposed to do for this special man in my life.  I went to the river with my friend and I experienced the immense peace and calm of her presence. I could feel a ton of tension just melting off my left shoulder and I took some video of the river which I later added me playing the Native American flute. I laid down on my back and let the earth absorb my sorrows and grief I looked up the sky and saw the clouds pass by through the branches of the trees and as I laid there with my arms outstretched out I felt something touched the palm of my left hand and I looked over and I saw a clump of seeds that had fallen perfectly and landed in my hand. I felt what a wonderful gift of new life to be planted in my life.

Love,

Buffy

365 Artist’s Dates

My latest video is titled 365 Artist’s Dates…yes I said 365. I have made a conscious decision to take on 365 Artist’s Dates with ideas inspired by the Artist’s Date Book by Julia Cameron which is a companion volume to the Artist’s Way book. My friend from the online Artist’s Way Circle said that she has been reading about my adventures for the past few days and she said that it sounds like I am on a journey of self discovery. She went on to say that it’s good to hear that my photo sessions and the healing that I undertook that day. She also said that it sounds like a shamanic journey. I find that an interesting perspective. I think I am just having a whole lot of fun seeing everything around me with new eyes. It’s inspiring me to write poetry, paint, sing, and dance. My friend who I call Mom says just remember to rest. Such a mom thing to say. lol

Maybe I am on a sort of self discovery. All I know that is when I begin an Artist’s Date I am consciously inviting the Universe to speak to me. I become very receptive to all the sights, sounds, textures, tastes, and touches that I experience as I go on my Artist’s Way journey. I get really excited about each one I have been doing. So far since I made this conscious decision I am on Day 15 and it has been really helpful for me to really have a great experience. I love it and I am very happy.

I am living a great mystery and I am playing the detective looking for clues everywhere where I can. I am listening and reaching out to new people. I am exploring my world with fine tooth comb. I am using all of my senses for directions. For example in today’s Artist’s Date I left my house and determined my direction randomly by the flip of a penny. The first choice was heads go left and tails go right. I got tails and proceeded to go right. I reached a point after I walked and I discovered that I could go forward tails or go left heads  so I flipped again and turned left when I got heads.  This randomness I found myself walking in a street  I never ventured before.  I noticed this large heart ornament on the front of the house down the block and it spoke to me. I feel like my heart compass is being activated and leading me down the corridors which I find very cool. I am happy about that. I am finding out what matters to me the most.

Another friend on Facebook has been reading about what I am doing and she discovered a quote that she posted on my wall which I find humorous.

I am lost and have gone to find myself

If I return before I come back,

please ask me to wait.

Thank You.”

Another friend however had posted that

“Not all who wander are lost.”

Yes I am wandering sort of as I do my Artist’s Dates and they are quality time with myself which is building self love and self discovery. But I am very much guided by every step I am taking. My ultimate Life GPS system is the Creator who can see everything from a tower and I am on the ground in the forest with a phone and I am calling up asking for directions.  And the directions are coming every step of the way. I feel lead and it’s leading me to myself, true love,  and to home. That’s awesome and I am having a great time as I am on my journey.

Love,

Buffy

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