Wenona Gardner – White Turtle Rainbow

Posts tagged ‘dreams’

she didn’t just survive~ she became.

That’s what my refrigerator magnet says on my refrigerator. It reminds me that yes I have been through alot of difficult challenges in my life, but it also speaks about my ability to move beyond that and to thrive! Yes THRIVE! I love that word! It contains  such power, magic, and possibility. I really want to connect in this way with myself, get out of my own way, and shine out in the world. Now I feel I am the healthiest I have ever been and I feel great!

When I was at the women’s retail store and wellness sanctuary and taking the Life GPS course I see that the course has helped me be sharper in focus on what I really want in life. I felt the day I started the course 14 weeks ago I was way off course.  The man who runs the Life GPS course is a Life Coach by the name Rick Paddock. He is intensely beautiful and highly sensitive guy. I don’t really trust guys in general. Though I felt I could trust Rick and I talk alot to him. Rick sponsored me for NAMI Walks where I raised $285 in my very first walk.  He took great joy when I explained how well things went with NAMI Walks that it was a great celebration of both my physical and mental health recovery. When I was walking the walk by myself because the group walked much faster ahead than I, I talked to the Creator and expressed gratitude about all the good in my life. I am grateful for all the things that Creator does and doesn’t do. I filmed my walk as I was walking NAMI Walks but the camera was bouncing with every step I take. So I don’t know how I can make it work to get a video on the net with it. I was thinking about using the footage in the park and narrating over talking about some of thoughts and prayers that came to me as I walked the walk. So, Rick is a huge supporter of mine. He leaves me really heartfelt emails and hugs me alot. He listens to me when I talk about my novels, he says I am an empath, and that I am highly sensitive.  He speaks highly of me to Dani the store owner and said he really thinks I am something special and wants to work closer with me. Rick is concerned I don’t always put my needs first and that I give too much to other people because I am a caregiver. He is right about that, I have a hard time telling people what I need. He gets excited when I tell him about my creative dreams and the creative projects I have been working on or developed. During the last session we were talking about the Tree of Life and I latched into wanting to define my Life Purpose which the handout says is the trunk of the tree. I had all kinds of questions about that and he was helping me to clarify that. He said he has a Life Purpose exercise he wants to bring into the course next month. After the last LIFE GPS course he surprised me by asking me to write or make a video testimonial for him for his website. I am so honored he asked me to do that. Which is really great.  I shared my history of being abused by men,  I told him having a positive male relationship helps me to heal my female spirit.

Yes, that is a step I took to become. I also wrote a book titled “Resentments” which I finally expressed all the things and people that I was angry about. Usually, I never really expressed my anger. I just bottled it up and wasn’t even aware that I was angry. I experienced alot of injustices in my life. I wasn’t allowed a sacred space growing up to freely express my emotions. But today I now give myself that gift. I am so grateful that I can let this all go. That I can honor my feelings and now reach towards forgiveness. This book I worked on for over a year and has become a life transforming experience. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I was able to clean out the cup and be empty to receive all the love and good in this world in my life. I am open and receptive. I am free.

Love,

Buffy

The Time Has Come….

Sonia Choquette. “The Time Has Come…To Accept Your Intuitive Gifts! “

Previous recent Artist’s Date:

Okay just so you know I have decided to attempt to do an Artist’s Date everyday for a year.  I believe I am currently on Day 13 using the Artist’s Date Book I think if I increase the amount of Artist’s Dates from one day to 7 days per week things might get kinda of interesting which I want to shake things up. Universe I am ready to open myself and listen!

So, on one of these previous Artist’s Dates I stopped again to my favorite women’s spirituality and wellness sanctuary store and I explored the shop. I discovered  a book called “The Time Has Come to Accept Your Intuitive Gifts.”  It spoke to me … I have been fascinated with sunflowers lately and this cover is adorned with them. I looked up in a book that sunflowers represent happiness, wellbeing, and health.  I could use all three! So lately, as I walk my eyes are caught up by the sunflowers appearing and being given to me in my life.  On my Artist’s Altar that Julia Cameron speaks about in the Artist’s Way I placed cards that I have been given to me  and another one full of sunflowers on a thank you card given to me by a delightful nun I know. I am happy to place the sunflowers on my sacred space. I also have a vase with a large metallic sunflower in my living room. They make me really happy when I see them and they cheer me up.

Anyway, so I went to a restaurant with outside tables and decided to get a steak dinner and Sprecher cherry cola  soda.  Oh yeah and the sun was glowing all around me in this supernatural light and the breeze was blowing through my hair as I listened to the strands of conversations going by me by walking pedestrians and the cars were moving down the street.  The air was singing to me as I read page after page of this “The Time Has Come…” And these are some of the gems that spoke to me.

“A good artist lets his intuition lead him wherever it wants. “ – Lao-tzu

This sounds so much like the Artist’s Way and it doesn’t surprise because I read about Julia Cameron’s life in her creative memoir Floor Sample that she is friends with the author  Sonia Choquette.  I see both their philosophies mirroring each other in their books which I think is beautiful.

“Art arises from the Spirit, and the Spirit speaks through the sixth sense.” – Sonia Choquette

I never heard art spelled out with the sixth sense before but it is something I have recently come to believe is true in my life as the universe is actively and more directly speaking to me now more than ever which I accredit it to my spiritual awakening.

“Very often people don’t so much doubt their guidance as their ability to follow it. This is where friends – the right kind of friends- come in.  Surround yourself with companions who encourage you to trust your inner voice. Keep company with those willing to believe in you. With their help and support , you will come to believe in you as well. “- Sonia Choquette

This really resonates with me right now as I am making major shifts in all my relationships. I am focusing on self love to heal my relationships and strengthen many of them. In others who don’t support my creative dreams I am walking away.

In Julia Cameron’s Artist’s Way 10 th anniversary ed. she has laid out some sacred circle rules on page 222-223. These are the ones that resonate with me the most right now as I weed out people who don’t support my creative dreams.

1. Creativity flourishes in a place of safety and acceptance.

2. Creativity grows among friends, withers among enemies.

3. All creative ideas are children who deserve our protection.

5. Fulfilling our creativity is a sacred trust.

6. Violating someone’s creativity violates a sacred trust.

7. Creative feedback must support the creative child, never shame it.

8. Creative feedback must build on strengths, never focus on weaknesses.

There are several people in my life that I suddenly realized that are outright attacking  me for the creative dreams that I have.  That is completely and utterly unacceptable. The old self would have just quietly taken such abuse and crawled off questioning if I had the right to have creative dreams.  But now since I have been focusing on self love and working with EFT= Emotional Freedom Technique that I am starting to see they clearly are crossing the line. I don’t have to take that. I don’t need to put myself in their way for further such abuse. I love myself myself and yes I am an artist. I am going to live my life pursuing my creative dreams and you are welcome to walk with me especially if you support my creative dreams. I need that acceptance. I need that kind of support. I need the kind of friend that does say I am an artist and I am great. I am truly grateful for the ones that I have in my life that do say that to me.

“Love fuels intuition. The more you love, the more you’ll feel the presence and power of your Spirit guiding your life..” -Sonia Choquette

Love is at the heart of my creative dreams. It’s at the basic foundation of my life and my very being. I love with such intensity and with such fire. I am a very passionate person and it’s what keeps me going.  I love to create loving relationships. I love to co-create with other artists. I love to share my heart with you.

“When you really listen to yourself, you can heal yourself. “ – Ceanne DeRohan

I truly believe that the process of building the self love connection is the powerful catalyst that is transforming my life from all over the place. I am so happy for that.  It’s hard to let go, but I believe that I must empty my cup of thing that no longer serve me  so that I can truly receive the flow of love coming for me.

On a side note and something I thought was cool there was a meteor that came raining down in a thunderous fireball in Wisconsin where I live last night. Here is some footage:

 

Love,

Buffy

Your Love is my light: Artist’s Date – Nap

Your Love is my light
Sun of all my mornings
Fire of all my nights.

Today, I was following the Artist’s Datebook by Julia Cameron which today’s mission was to take a nap.  There is a favorite spot I like to go on my Artist’s Dates and that is a women’s spirituality and wellness sanctuary. I am such a hopeless romantic and crave a deep connection to women’s spirituality and this sacred space there is what seems to fill my needs. I was able to go there today in the sitting area and get a cup of black tea with Splenda and I picked my favorite chair and I listened to the water fountain babbling at me and the 60s songs playing on the radio. The store owner came in and spoke with me and I told her how I was so exhausted and she recommended I drink some cranberry juice.  She said just relax and rest…so I took her up on the offer.

I curled up in that chair and began to drift. I felt extremely safe there,  relaxed, and let go. I needed to detach from a stressful day of work where there was back to back long meetings on stressful topics.  I was hurting. My heart and soul heavy and sank. I just let it go.  Somehow in this sacred place I am able to do that.  I have been establishing new boundaries  it has been heart wrenching for me and my soul grieves by the drastic but necessary changes as I pursue self love. I am learning to stay away from unhealthy situations on all levels.  I am learning to love myself so much and care about myself enough to walk away from hurtful people and relationships.  It’s not easy for me to set up such boundaries.  Wondering who to embrace and who to let go.

So this was in my being and I was troubled by all the things that were happening. A nap was something I desperately needed. As I laid in this chair I was seeking comfort. As I rested I heard a gentle loving male voice spoke to me. Words of love and hope. I dreamnt laying my head next to his head and his arm wrapped around me. He kept speaking very softly to me and I felt comforted by his presence. I felt much calmer and more confident that I was on the right path. He spoke to me of words of love. I felt my heart grow warm and I felt surrounded and filled by his love and light. I sank into a deeper deeper rest. I was grateful and still am grateful for his support and love.  I lingered in the bask of his love for as long as could.

When I awaken, I felt renewed and recharged, I felt that my heart was singing of hope and that brighter days were ahead. That I was going through the grief  and mourning and coming out full of joy. With that I walked in the summery glittery sunshine to the grocery store and I bought myself cranberry juice.

Love,

Buffy

Artist’s Date: Get a new toothbrush!

Artist’s Date April 1, 2010

Day 6: The Recovery is the process of finding the river and saying yes to its flow, rapids and all.

Mission: To get a new toothbrush

I have an Artist’s Date book by Julia Cameron that Misty got me for Christmas Today’s Artist’s Date was to get a new toothbrush. So I decided to make it extra special and decided to go to a far away Walgreens to try something new. While there I purchased some paints, fancy paint brushes, and paper since I had a vision of me painting again. Then on a whim I purchased a digital camera that was on sale and this is the very first picture that was taken with my NEW digital camera! I had a blast!

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